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Showing posts from October, 2020

What it’s like to be a Professional Dancer with a Mental Illness

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During this entire research period I have been trying to analyse every aspect of my practice and where it comes from. However, there’s one aspect that I have always tried to ignore, partly out of embarrassment, partly out of fear of judgement, and partly because of a feeling that it was not relevant. But it is exceptionally relevant, because the management of it is imperative for me to practice efficiently and to the best of my ability. This ‘aspect’ is that I suffer from depression and anxiety and have done for several years.    It sounds almost paradoxical that I can be doing what I have always dreamed of doing (i.e. dancing professionally), yet I can still have depression and feel as if my life is without hope nor purpose. But that is because it is an illness that affects your brain chemistry, not a logical stream of thought following the positive and negative pathways of your life. Moreover, within the dance community, despite positive steps being taken in the last few yea...

'Writing is re-writing'

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On Wednesday 14 th  October I took part in a ‘Talking about Writing’ workshop with Peter Thomas. I was keen to attend this meeting since although writing comes relatively naturally to me, I wanted to find areas upon which I could improve and was curious to hear other people’s viewpoints. I noticed that in many areas discussed, there was a large correlation between the writing process and the choreographic process, alongside general dance practice.    We started the session with a freewriting activity. The aim of freewriting is somewhat self-explanatory. You aim to write for a certain amount of time (in our case it was five minutes), without stopping, re-reading, correcting or judging. I found this exercise rather daunting since I often struggle with self-judgement and I feel anxious when I can’t check what I have written as I feel I have the tendency to go off topic whilst writing freely. This self-criticism is mirrored in my professional dance practice, and it struck me ...

A Game of Give and Take

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Yoga has been a key part of my practice since early last year, and an element that has always resonated with me is the idea of ‘apana’ versus ‘prana’. ‘Prana’ is the idea of pulling up from the ground, whereas ‘apana’ is the concept of releasing into the earth. From these ideas I thought about how they could correlate with the idea of using force and almost designing movement as opposed to letting it materialise organically. Perhaps a key example could be when learning a very intricate piece of choreography, or doing a style that we are unfamiliar with. I feel as if I have to force my body and mind to understand and translate the movement, since it feels so alien. On the contrary, if I am learning a piece of choreography that sits well with my movement style or I am partaking in a class in a genre in which I feel confident, less mental and physical force is required and I can trust my body to deliver.      As well as being useful in dance practice, I feel a knowledge of t...

How skilled are you?

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During my reflection upon my practice a particular idea has often come to mind, that of skills that dancers possess. Some of these skills are taught in training, others learned through (often difficult) experience. I like to think of those taught in professional training as ‘formal’, and all the others as ‘informal’. I use this terminology because in my opinion, ‘formal’ skills are those that are painted from the outset as essential to success. ‘Informal’ skills are equally important, however these are never expressly mentioned, since they are often acquired from dealing with the dingier side of the dance world, that no school wants to advertise the existence of. Here is a (non-exhaustive) list of ‘formal’ and ‘informal’ dance skills:    Formal        ·        Picking up choreography quickly ·        Technique (whichever style) ·        Self-presentation – i.e. stage m...

On Your Head Be It

I am currently in an all-too familiar situation. A dancer on the training course of the company I work for recently tested positive for COVID-19. Hence, we have not been in the studio since last Saturday, and yesterday we all had to independently get tested (the cost of which was reimbursed by the company). Throughout this experience thus far, aside from experiencing fear and anxiety, I have been reflecting on the idea of individual versus collective responsibility, and how they intertwine. This idea was reinforced by my own reading, where Nicholas Ridout examines the philosophical ideas of Kant, ‘In particular, he replaced a philosophical emphasis on ‘being’ with a dedication to an ethics based on the existence of the ‘other’’.    If we take the unfortunate real-life example of COVID-19, the lines between individual and collective responsibility are somewhat blurred. Following the guidelines, i.e. wearing a mask where required, maintaining social distance, disinfecting your h...